angling for fake philosophers

Lucian of Samosata was a satirist who wrote in Greek in the second century AD, a period known to literary scholars as the Second Sophistic. His dialogue, The Dead Come to Life or The Fisherman, constitutes a reply to the criticism that had greeted an earlier work, Philosophies for Sale, in which he had been seen as satirising the ancient philosophers whose ideas formed the basis of the schools of thought current in his own period. 

In the later work, Lucian's alter ego, Parresiades (or 'Frankness') is put on trial in Athens for his slanders and the ancient philosophers themselves come back from the dead to accuse him. 'Pelt him,' shouts Socrates leading the attack:

Pelt the scoundrel with plenty of stones! Heap him with clods! Pile him up with broken dishes too! Beat the blackguard with your sticks! Look out he doesn't get away! Throw, Plato, you too, Chrysippus.

Parresiades claims that his scorn is not directed at the ancient philosophers themselves but at their descendants in the contemporary period who have not been willing to appear in their own defence. Some are lured up to the Acropolis with promises of money, but, as soon as they realise that they are to to be judged, they scarper again. 'What is this?' says Philosophy (who is presiding over the proceedings), 'Are you running away? By Heaven they are, most of them jumping over the cliffs! The Acropolis is empty.'

In the end, Parresiades borrows a hook, a line, and a rod that have been dedicated in the temple by the fishermen of Piraeus, baits the hook with a strange combination of figs and gold, and then casts the line down into the town below and goes fishing for fake philosophers. They begin to bite immediately and, as they are pulled up, the authentic ancients comment on them, much as anglers might, in reality, comment on specimens pulled from the water.

Here is the scene as Parresiades lands a dogfish and shows him to the philosopher, Diogenes. (The joke is that Diogenes was one of the founders of Cynic philosophy, the name of which comes from the Greek term kynikos (κυνικός) or dog-like, in part - it appears - because of the Cynics' refusal of conventional modes of life and their insistence on eating and sleeping in the streets.)

He is up! Come, let me see what you are, my good fish. A dogfish! Heracles, what teeth! How about it, my fine fellow? Caught, were you, gormandizing about the rocks, where you hoped to skip under cover and keep out of sight? But now you will be in public view, hung up by the gills! Let us take out the hook and the bait. No, by Zeus, he has swallowed it! Here is your hook, all bare; the fig and the gold are secure in his insides.

The useless fish are thrown back into the town and the dialogue ends with Philosophy sending Parresiades out into the streets to brand the impostors with a fox- or ape-shaped mark.

Fishing for philosophical charlatans - I must watch out for the hooks! Wouldn't want to end up suspended by the gills from the top of Park Hill. (Or branded with a fox-shaped mark for that matter...)

Dogfish.